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My ferret has (apparently) ceased to be, and I simply will not accept it. What are some tried and tested means of bringing it back to life? I have available only a toaster, a can of low fat coconut milk, some long nosed pliers and one of those "jacob's ladder" high-voltage electric toys.
I think the high voltage jacob's ladder is going to be the key to your success here. First, remove the back of the toast. I would suggest unplugging it first and wearing rubber gloves so you are not at risk of becoming super-animated or fall victim to a less pleasant Fantastic Fouresque transformation. Remove the parts from the toaster that look like they might regulate the temperature with the long-nosed pliers. Next, coat the body of the ferret lightly in the coconut milk. This will serve as both a conductor and something for the ferret to hungrily lick up once it is reanimated. Next, turn the toaster on. Using your gloves of course, when the toaster has reached a temperature decidedly unsafe for bread, let alone pop-tarts, drop the high-voltage ladder in order to connect your lovely little vermin to the toaster. This should produce a shock capable of bringing him back to life for years to come.
A fellow ferret lover.
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