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My poem, A crossing over, comments?
The other day I heard a bird
Whistling tunes I never heard
Could this bird have some insight
That this was it's final night
I went outside and looked around
But this bird be nowhere found
But some sounds keep calling me
A last goodbye, could that what be
Then there's a flicker in my eye
I see the place where you do lie
It seems your perched upon a gutter
You spread your wings and now you flutter
You fly up high and circle wide
With stretched wings, you start to glide
I've heard stories of a raven
A last goodbye was what it's craven
Somehow deep inside in my soul
I feel peace with me is now your goal
I raise my hand as if to show
That we've met before and I do know
You wink at me, I wink at you
Just with that glance,we made it through
And now you head up towards the sun
We made our peace and now its done
I agree on some ryhmes being forced. A bird whistling tunes is a far cry from the sound a raven makes, is there not another choice that could work or perhaps rework the first stanza.
Overall, you have a strong poem that will only get better with some rewrite. Congrats
Whats On My YouTube Today?
Zion Train - Interview with Neil Perch (Part 2)
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