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My future mother in law loves crafts & scrapbooking. She keeps pushing the idea of DIY invitations, favor boxes, etc. Honestly, I'm really not into doing those and I really don't have time to do it myself due to my full time job and school. My fiance and I both knew that she really wanted to be part of wedding planning. So when she volunteered to throw us a couple shower, we told her that she can do it however she wants to do it. We thought this will keep her busy. But she started ordering Thank you cards for wedding, buying scrapbooking stuff for our wedding guestbook, etc without consulting us first. Both my fiance and I are doing the wedding planning together, but since I'm the woman, she comes to me to talk about all the ideas she has for the wedding. I have a hard to saying no because she gets this dissappointed look. But we really want her to just focus on the shower and leave the wedding to us. What do we do? How do we tell her that without hurting her feelings?
Communication is key. Does she have a daughter? Is this her first son to get married? A lot of groom's mothers want to be involved in the planning process, especially if they do not have a daughter of their own, but don't know what to do to help. This can sometimes come across as over-bearing and pushy. It is important to stick to what you want for your wedding day, but try to incorporate her in other ways.
I think what you have done with allowing her to plan the shower is great. When you talk to her just mention that you have a theme for the wedding, and that neither you nor your fiance make decisions without consulting the other since you are doing the planning together, and that when she has ideas or inspiration about certain aspects of the wedding itself, if she could come to the two of you first before purchasing anything it could save a lot of time. But be sure to stress that she can be in charge of the shower completely so she can use her creativity there. When she comes to you first, instead of her son, instead of saying "no" tell her that you will talk to your fiance about it so that the two of you can make the decision together.
Just communicate! You don't want to have resentful feelings toward her and I know you don't want to hurt her feelings either. This can be a stressful time for everyone involved, and emotions are running high, and there are going to be inevitable moments of confrontation. Just try to reach a compromise that works for everyone, while still making sure it remains your day the way you and your fiance want it.
Congratulations and Good Luck!
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